THE ENTERPRISE--A SMORGASBORD--HUMOR AND IRONY
SINCE I TOOK A WEEK OFF TO VISIT A FRIEND IN THE MOUNTAINS, THE RARIFIED AIR HAS CLEARED MY SENSES A BIT
There are so many serious, dangerous and alarming things going on, that sometimes, we forget to maintain our sense of humor. Many of the things we worry about never come to pass. Still more of them, we can't do anything much about, anyway. So, with that, I'll compile an edition with some new vocabulary words that should make you grin, and some new definitions for old words that will make you smile in agreement. Then I'll wrap with some serious (not so comic) bumper stickers that you've probably already seen floating around the Internet.
THINK OF THIS AS SORT OF A DESSERT BAR--QUITE A FEW CALORIES, BUT NOT MUCH NUTRITIONAL VALUE.
We all need a little of that from time to time. Now, relax your frown muscles, flex your smile muscles (trivia--it takes many fewer muscles in the face to smile than to frown).
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an a__hole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
BUMPER STICKERS HAVE THE RING OF TRUTH THAT IS NOT SPOKEN OFTEN ENOUGH
I usually reserve the "comic emails" I get to a limited audience of readers. This batch of bumper stickers was simply too "rich a source" to ignore. I only chose the most relevant ones, but it was easy. I omitted many more "pointed jabs," even though I was sorely tempted.
THIS FIRST ONE IS MY PET PEEVE--EVERY TIME I USE AN ATM, OR HEAR A PHONE MENU....ARRGGHH...
I am in America, right? In my hometown, in the middle of America--not even in one of those coastal "blue states" where every newly arrived minority takes precedence over everyone who's been there for a couple of decades--or centuries. Or one of those border states where the concentration of illegal immigrants probably outnumbers the American citizens.
WHY IN THE HELL SHOULD I HAVE TO PRESS "1" FOR ENGLISH?
WEALTH REDISTRIBUTION AND CENSORSHIP--MARKS OF A NEW GOVERNMENT ETHIC
It's good that the White House has officially declared "War on Fox." Since the "messiah" came into office, the other news outlets have "Deified him" and ignored any gaffes or flip-flops or other mistakes. There have been plenty of them, but only Fox has aired them. Management at the other news outlets and the political bias of the reporters and on-air personalities are so heavily liberal that this is not surprising. Nowhere (except in the annals of past media history) is it written that reporting the news had to be unbiased. It has always been biased somewhat, but never so much as now, and certainly, never so transparent. However, when Obama appointees start suppressing dissenting view on "climate change" and start collecting email addresses of those who seem to be spreading what they call "misinformation," it is time to worry.
"THE PROBLEM WITH SOCIALISM IS THAT YOU EVENTUALLY RUN OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY" —Margaret Thatcher
IT IS TIME TO STRIKE FEAR IN THE HEARTS OF GOVERNMENT-- BECAUSE THEY ARE SURELY RUNNING AMOK
The coming 2010 elections are a time for 'WE THE PEOPLE" to once again assert our understanding of what is going on and bring some common sense to our government by electing a large number of new Representatives and Senators—people who understand that no entity can continue to spend more than it takes in and remain solvent and responsible, and that hard working people like to enjoy and retain the fruits of their work, and that the "underclass" who is dependent on government largess, can only be supported on the backs of those who actually create value and earn money for it--and the government is the entity that subverts this principle to enhance its power.
"WHEN THE PEOPLE FEAR THEIR GOVERNMENT THERE IS TYRANNY. WHEN THE GOVERNMENT FEARS THE PEOPLE THERE IS LIBERTY." —Thomas Jefferson
HOW WILL DEMOCRATS STAND UP TO TERRORISTS WHEN THEY CAN'T EVEN FACE FOX NEWS?
Who's Behind White House War On Fox?
By MICHELLE MALKIN
Posted 06:18 PM ET
White House interim communications director Anita Dunn assumed the role of lead Fox News Channel-basher this weekend. The attack was a dud. The left-leaning Nation magazine ridiculed President Obama's press shop for turning him into the "whiner-in-chief." AOL media columnist Jeff Bercovici called the war on Fox a "loser's strategy" that "signals weakness." And that's the friendly fire.
Dunn found refuge in rival CNN's green zone, where she blasted Fox News as a "research arm of the Republican Party." Unhappy with headline-generating Fox News hosts who have wrested control of the news cycle from Team Obama, Dunn complained about "opinion journalism masquerading as news." Well, that is certainly an apt description of an Obama-sympathizing "news" segment on "The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer," which purported to "fact-check" a Saturday Night Live skit mocking the president's lack of accomplishments.
Yes, the "real" news fact-checked the fake news to cover for Obama's deficiencies. Zero complaints from the White House communications office about that. Or about authentic CNN journalist Anderson Cooper using his prime-time show to make vulgar sexual jokes about Tea Party activists. Or about the joint White House-ABC News health care reform infomercial that aired earlier this summer.
Some "opinion journalism" is more equal than others.
Debates about the blurred lines between opinion and journalism are all well and good. But don't the talking-points crafters in the Oval Office have something better to do than carp about the talking points they don't like hearing on the one cable network that hasn't been completely overrun by Obama sycophants? Where are the seasoned press gurus to help Nobel Peace Prize winner Barack Obama appear more presidential and less petty and thuggish?
The corruptocratic affiliations of Obama's communications team are illuminating. His press shop can't rise above the fray because they've been entrenched in the Beltway fray for years. They can't help themselves. Democratic media consultant Dunn's claim to fame is her decade-long service as chief strategist for disgraced Democrat and former Senate Majority Leader turned health care lobbyist Tom Daschle.
While conservatives revel in the left's hysteria over Fox News Channel's dominance, more of Obama's friends hope he'll wipe his nose and man up. Fat chance. As long as he's surrounded by career flacks who demonize dissent to distract from the Beltway stench, the White House will remain an all-whine zone. © 2009 Investor's Business Daily, Inc. All rights reserved
'FAIRNESS' ISN'T GIVING MY MONEY TO LAZY PEOPLE.
GOVERNMENT DOESN'T WORK. PLEASE RETURN MY TAXES.
MY CLOSING SHOT--ANOTHER ONE I JUST CANNOT IGNORE:
To all those who abhor or dislike George W. Bush. I did not say he was good. I said this guy is just as bad, and maybe worse--but differently. I also did not say that John McCain would have been better--just different--but perhaps different is important ways. America ignored the two most qualified candidates when it bypassed Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney. In that race, Hillary probably would have won--and (I can't believe I'm saying this), she would have been far better for all Americans that Barack Obama. We get another shot at this in 2012. I hope the choices, and the decision we make are better.
HOW LONG BEFORE YOU ADMIT THAT OBAMA WAS A MISTAKE?
THAT'S IT FOR THIS WEEK. NO HEAVY THINKING, JUST A LITTLE THIN MOUNTAIN AIR, VERBAL HUMOR AND POLITICAL HONESTY. REFRESHING, ISN'T IT?
Best, John
-----------------------------------------------------------
"The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well meaning, but without understanding." —Louis D. Brandeis
-----------------------------------------------------------
John L. Mariotti, President & CEO, The Enterprise Group, Phone 614-840-0959 http://www.mariotti.net http://mariotti.blogs.com/my_weblog/
------------------------------------------------------------
SINCE I TOOK A WEEK OFF TO VISIT A FRIEND IN THE MOUNTAINS, THE RARIFIED AIR HAS CLEARED MY SENSES A BIT
There are so many serious, dangerous and alarming things going on, that sometimes, we forget to maintain our sense of humor. Many of the things we worry about never come to pass. Still more of them, we can't do anything much about, anyway. So, with that, I'll compile an edition with some new vocabulary words that should make you grin, and some new definitions for old words that will make you smile in agreement. Then I'll wrap with some serious (not so comic) bumper stickers that you've probably already seen floating around the Internet.
THINK OF THIS AS SORT OF A DESSERT BAR--QUITE A FEW CALORIES, BUT NOT MUCH NUTRITIONAL VALUE.
We all need a little of that from time to time. Now, relax your frown muscles, flex your smile muscles (trivia--it takes many fewer muscles in the face to smile than to frown).
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an a__hole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
BUMPER STICKERS HAVE THE RING OF TRUTH THAT IS NOT SPOKEN OFTEN ENOUGH
I usually reserve the "comic emails" I get to a limited audience of readers. This batch of bumper stickers was simply too "rich a source" to ignore. I only chose the most relevant ones, but it was easy. I omitted many more "pointed jabs," even though I was sorely tempted.
THIS FIRST ONE IS MY PET PEEVE--EVERY TIME I USE AN ATM, OR HEAR A PHONE MENU....ARRGGHH...
I am in America, right? In my hometown, in the middle of America--not even in one of those coastal "blue states" where every newly arrived minority takes precedence over everyone who's been there for a couple of decades--or centuries. Or one of those border states where the concentration of illegal immigrants probably outnumbers the American citizens.
WHY IN THE HELL SHOULD I HAVE TO PRESS "1" FOR ENGLISH?
WEALTH REDISTRIBUTION AND CENSORSHIP--MARKS OF A NEW GOVERNMENT ETHIC
It's good that the White House has officially declared "War on Fox." Since the "messiah" came into office, the other news outlets have "Deified him" and ignored any gaffes or flip-flops or other mistakes. There have been plenty of them, but only Fox has aired them. Management at the other news outlets and the political bias of the reporters and on-air personalities are so heavily liberal that this is not surprising. Nowhere (except in the annals of past media history) is it written that reporting the news had to be unbiased. It has always been biased somewhat, but never so much as now, and certainly, never so transparent. However, when Obama appointees start suppressing dissenting view on "climate change" and start collecting email addresses of those who seem to be spreading what they call "misinformation," it is time to worry.
"THE PROBLEM WITH SOCIALISM IS THAT YOU EVENTUALLY RUN OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY" —Margaret Thatcher
IT IS TIME TO STRIKE FEAR IN THE HEARTS OF GOVERNMENT-- BECAUSE THEY ARE SURELY RUNNING AMOK
The coming 2010 elections are a time for 'WE THE PEOPLE" to once again assert our understanding of what is going on and bring some common sense to our government by electing a large number of new Representatives and Senators—people who understand that no entity can continue to spend more than it takes in and remain solvent and responsible, and that hard working people like to enjoy and retain the fruits of their work, and that the "underclass" who is dependent on government largess, can only be supported on the backs of those who actually create value and earn money for it--and the government is the entity that subverts this principle to enhance its power.
"WHEN THE PEOPLE FEAR THEIR GOVERNMENT THERE IS TYRANNY. WHEN THE GOVERNMENT FEARS THE PEOPLE THERE IS LIBERTY." —Thomas Jefferson
HOW WILL DEMOCRATS STAND UP TO TERRORISTS WHEN THEY CAN'T EVEN FACE FOX NEWS?
Who's Behind White House War On Fox?
By MICHELLE MALKIN
Posted 06:18 PM ET
White House interim communications director Anita Dunn assumed the role of lead Fox News Channel-basher this weekend. The attack was a dud. The left-leaning Nation magazine ridiculed President Obama's press shop for turning him into the "whiner-in-chief." AOL media columnist Jeff Bercovici called the war on Fox a "loser's strategy" that "signals weakness." And that's the friendly fire.
Dunn found refuge in rival CNN's green zone, where she blasted Fox News as a "research arm of the Republican Party." Unhappy with headline-generating Fox News hosts who have wrested control of the news cycle from Team Obama, Dunn complained about "opinion journalism masquerading as news." Well, that is certainly an apt description of an Obama-sympathizing "news" segment on "The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer," which purported to "fact-check" a Saturday Night Live skit mocking the president's lack of accomplishments.
Yes, the "real" news fact-checked the fake news to cover for Obama's deficiencies. Zero complaints from the White House communications office about that. Or about authentic CNN journalist Anderson Cooper using his prime-time show to make vulgar sexual jokes about Tea Party activists. Or about the joint White House-ABC News health care reform infomercial that aired earlier this summer.
Some "opinion journalism" is more equal than others.
Debates about the blurred lines between opinion and journalism are all well and good. But don't the talking-points crafters in the Oval Office have something better to do than carp about the talking points they don't like hearing on the one cable network that hasn't been completely overrun by Obama sycophants? Where are the seasoned press gurus to help Nobel Peace Prize winner Barack Obama appear more presidential and less petty and thuggish?
The corruptocratic affiliations of Obama's communications team are illuminating. His press shop can't rise above the fray because they've been entrenched in the Beltway fray for years. They can't help themselves. Democratic media consultant Dunn's claim to fame is her decade-long service as chief strategist for disgraced Democrat and former Senate Majority Leader turned health care lobbyist Tom Daschle.
She was in the thick of his failed re-election campaign as Daschle asserted a bogus property-tax homestead exemption claim on his $1.9 million D.C. mansion — which he listed as his primary residence despite voting in South Dakota and claiming it as his primary residence in order to run for re-election. And Dunn was with Daschle during the years he failed to pay gobs of taxes on a luxury car and driver provided to him by crony donor Leo Hindery Jr.
After working as communications manager for Obama's political action committee and then as senior adviser to his 2008 presidential campaign, Dunn "trained" White House press secretary and anti-Fox sniper Robert Gibbs. Deputy communications director Dan Pfeiffer is another protege of Dunn's, who worked with her on the disastrous 2004 Daschle re-election campaign.
Dunn is married to Robert Bauer, a Washington, D.C., corporate lawyer who served as general counsel for Obama for America. It was Bauer who lobbied the Justice Department unsuccessfully last fall to pursue a criminal probe of American Issues Project, an independent group that sought to run an ad spotlighting Obama's ties to Weather Underground terrorist Bill Ayers. It was Bauer who attempted to sic the DOJ on GOP donor Harold Simmons and sought his prosecution for funding the ad. It was Bauer who tried to bully television stations across the country to compel them to pull the spot. All on Obama's behalf.While conservatives revel in the left's hysteria over Fox News Channel's dominance, more of Obama's friends hope he'll wipe his nose and man up. Fat chance. As long as he's surrounded by career flacks who demonize dissent to distract from the Beltway stench, the White House will remain an all-whine zone. © 2009 Investor's Business Daily, Inc. All rights reserved
'FAIRNESS' ISN'T GIVING MY MONEY TO LAZY PEOPLE.
GOVERNMENT DOESN'T WORK. PLEASE RETURN MY TAXES.
MY CLOSING SHOT--ANOTHER ONE I JUST CANNOT IGNORE:
To all those who abhor or dislike George W. Bush. I did not say he was good. I said this guy is just as bad, and maybe worse--but differently. I also did not say that John McCain would have been better--just different--but perhaps different is important ways. America ignored the two most qualified candidates when it bypassed Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney. In that race, Hillary probably would have won--and (I can't believe I'm saying this), she would have been far better for all Americans that Barack Obama. We get another shot at this in 2012. I hope the choices, and the decision we make are better.
HOW LONG BEFORE YOU ADMIT THAT OBAMA WAS A MISTAKE?
THAT'S IT FOR THIS WEEK. NO HEAVY THINKING, JUST A LITTLE THIN MOUNTAIN AIR, VERBAL HUMOR AND POLITICAL HONESTY. REFRESHING, ISN'T IT?
Best, John
-----------------------------------------------------------
"The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well meaning, but without understanding." —Louis D. Brandeis
-----------------------------------------------------------
John L. Mariotti, President & CEO, The Enterprise Group, Phone 614-840-0959 http://www.mariotti.net http://mariotti.blogs.com/my_weblog/
------------------------------------------------------------
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