I PROMISED TO SHARE MANY WHAT I’VE LEARNED DURING MY CAREER IN THE (NEW) ENTERPRISE. HERE ARE A COUPLE OF THE BEST, MOST IMPORTANT TOPICS, AND WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT THEM.
These should be valuable regardless of your age, job, profession or stage of life. All of life involves negotiating, persuading, and influencing others—or being persuaded, influenced or negotiated with by others.
I didn’t create this knowledge, or write the books. I learned from the knowledge of others. I hope that you and a large number of your friends, family and colleagues can benefit from these valuable lessons—and the work done by others to validate what they say as true and useful.
As you can tell by the copyright dates, I first found these ideas decades ago. As I used them and passed them on, I rewrote them into what I could share in this form. (Remember, during those years, I was writing magazine and web columns that had to fit on a single page or two.)
=====================
Understanding Influence and Persuasion
©John L. Mariotti 1990, 2000
Life as a manager is all about who can influence—or persuade—whom. Convince someone to buy what you sell, or to change to the direction you want to go, and your likelihood of success improves measurably. Millions are spent on training people in persuasive negotiation skills. With all of this attention to persuasion and influence, by now we should understand the underlying forces in influencing others--and how we are influenced.
Quite by accident a couple of years ago, I found a remarkable book:
Influence--The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini (Quill, 1984 & 1993). Cialdini is an experimental social psychologist who decided to study compliance and why people respond the way they do. His book is based on both experiments and extensive observation, and the findings are very revealing.
Only one major influence--that of "material self-interest," the good deal of getting the most and paying the least—is not included in Cialdini's list of influences, because while it is powerful and effective, it is also a more legitimate influence than the others.
The influences Cialdini describes create a powerful urge to respond, which the author refers to as a "click whirr" response that is automatic and almost irresistible--even when we know what is happening. For example:
--Reciprocation--the old give and take and take and take. This is the principle behind the Hare Krishna practice of handing out free flowers or books in airports, and the basis for the entire ad specialty business (free pens, coffee mugs, etc.). I give you something and you feel obliged to reciprocate. Nothing says the exchange must be fair or equitable; and the intent of someone using this to his or her advantage is that it won't be.
--Commitment and consistency--false hobgoblins of the mind. We make a carefully considered decision or analysis, and then make a commitment, perhaps in writing. Afterward, we have a very strong tendency to defend and reinforce that position consistently--regardless of how right or wrong it was. Think of the last car or computer you bought, and how strongly you became a vocal supporter of that brand or model.
--Social proof--truths are us. This is the basis for the use of laugh tracks on TV, the Jonestown mass suicide, and the influence of mass behavior that allows a person be mugged in full view of a crowd; no one helps the victim, because no one wants to break out of the crowd. Studies from 1972 to 1976 proved that after every widely reported suicide, the U.S. suicide rate increased the following week. The publicized suicide had legitimized that suicide was O.K. by the doctrine of social proof.
--Likeability--the friendly thief. Physical attractiveness and likeability increase a person's influence. Thus the use of attractive models in ads and the friendly salutation of telephone solicitors. We also like people who are similar to us in interest, lifestyle, and culture—and they can have an even greater influence on us if they compliment us and are nice to us. This is the basis for the "good cop/bad cop" style of negotiation.
--Authority--directed deference. Uniforms are not a coincidence. They impart an unspoken message of influence based on authority, as do titles, offices, and other trappings. In an actual situation described in Cialdini's book, a total stranger dressed in a doctor's coat was allowed to change the medication of many hospital patients with no questions asked.
--Scarcity--the rule of the few. When things like stamps are misprinted or Beanie Babies are produced in limited quantity, their value goes up. Even the illusion of scarcity is very powerful. Realtors who have other (often imaginary) prospective buyers use this leverage regularly.
Learning to be honestly persuasive is a valuable management skill. Using all the tools at your disposal is often necessary. Defending yourself from wrongful influence is one of those critical skills. Even when you know about these six powerful influence principles, they are difficult to resist. When you're unaware of them, you are easy prey for the unscrupulous.
==================
A SUCCESSOR BOOK, 30 YEARS LATER, IS WORTH CHECKING OUT
Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade by Robert B. Cialdini | Sep 6, 2016
The acclaimed New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller from Robert Cialdini—“the foremost expert on effective persuasion” (Harvard Business Review)—explains how it’s not necessarily the message itself that changes minds, but the key moment before you deliver that message.
==================
You don’t get what you deserve! (You get what you negotiate!)
©John Mariotti 1998, 2014
You often hear the complaint is “that isn’t fair!” Who said life had to be fair? It isn’t--at least a large part of the time. Anyone who expects everything to be nicey-nicey... and still hopes to win in today’s brutally competitive world is living in a dream.
All of life is a negotiation. Any one who is married knows that negotiation goes on in the best of marriages. Teenagers negotiate for the family car or extra spending money, or permission to go to that rock concert or party. Why would the world of business be any different?
In corporate life, the annual budgeting, getting business plans, goals and objectives approved, against which your success or failure—or even a career—depends are based on the outcomes of a series of negotiations. Perhaps the relevant negotiation went on far beyond your station in life, in some remote board meeting or corporate headquarters—but be assured—it went on somewhere.
The smart thing to do is to become an effective negotiator. Negotiation is a learned skill. Some people are naturally better at it than others, but everyone benefits from learning the principles of good negotiation. Reading one of many good books on negotiation is one of the ways to start learning.
A far better way to learn is to attend a negotiation-training workshop where role-playing is used. Decades ago, Dr. Chester Karrass started such seminars decades ago, and his firm has continued doing them. They were great back then, and I bet they are still valuable. (http://www.karrass.com)
Until you find time for this important personal and professional education, here are a few tips you will learn more about later.
- Aim high!: The more you ask for, the more you get, unless your demands are totally unreasonable. This has been confirmed by extensive research. Make a list of your goals and aspirations and set them high. (Just leave some room for concessions.)
- Do your homework: Whoever is best prepared has a big advantage. Study your negotiating “opponent,” background material, and evaluate the possible options--yours and his/hers both. What are the opponents’ aspirations, fears, desires? What are yours? Consider several possible outcomes, and evaluate them so there is no guessing under pressure.
- Know & control deadlines: Deadlines can work for you—or against you. Know yours, and estimate your opponent’s, and then manage them as best you can. Make yours as flexible as possible. Avoid hasty conclusion of negotiations to catch a flight—you’ll lose—and may miss the flight anyway.
- Try not to make the first concession: Whoever makes the first one usually gives away more than the other party. Make concessions small and slowly and make the opponent really earn them with lots of persuasion. Never make a concession without getting one back in return.
- Be prepared to walk away: Sometimes the desired outcome is just not achievable, so unless you must make a deal, you can walk away to try again another day. Try for a win-win vs. a win-lose outcome. Then both parties are likely to stick to the negotiated deal with fewer lawyers to assure it.
- Document what you agree on: Document what you agree on, but go over the key points one last time to avoid “informed misunderstandings”—that’s where you both know you really have not agreed, but neither wants to admit it! Offer to write the agreement—it gives you more control of how agreements are stated.
There are lots more where these came from, but these are a good start. Two final warnings are very important.
- Make sure the person you are negotiating with has the authority to commit to what you want--if they don’t, don’t negotiate. Otherwise, you can only give but they will take whatever you give, and cannot commit to give what you want. Discuss as little as possible—until the person who has authority to make commitments is present.
- When in doubt--shut up! No one ever made a concession or gave away valuable information when they weren’t talking. The Russians were legendary negotiators because they simply wouldn’t say much. While the American negotiators kept filling the silence, they were giving away small (and sometimes large) concessions and valuable information too.
Also, in today’s global economy never assume the other side doesn’t (or does) understand your language and terminology—Americans are one of few global powers who are not multi-lingual. English is taught in most other countries as a required language, so your international negotiating opponents likely understand it, even if they do not speak it well, or choose to use interpreters.
There is a lot more to becoming a skilled negotiator than these few meager tips. Take the time to learn how to negotiate—remember you don’t always get what you deserve--you get what you negotiate!
===============
I hope you find these as useful as I did.
Best, JOHN
=============
Please email: [email protected] with your feedback.
Interesting 3=Good, 2=OK, 1=Not So Good
Useful 3=Good, 2=OK, 1=Not So Good
Worth Forwarding 3=Good, 2=OK, 1=Not So Good
Best, JOHN
Comments