Telling It Like It Is

THE ENTERPRISE--I HOPE YOU WILL SHARE THIS WITH OTHERS: ON INFLUENCE, PERSUASION AND NEGOTIATION

I PROMISED TO SHARE MANY WHAT I’VE LEARNED DURING MY CAREER IN THE (NEW) ENTERPRISE. HERE ARE A COUPLE OF THE BEST, MOST IMPORTANT TOPICS, AND WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT THEM.

These should be valuable regardless of your age, job, profession or stage of life. All of life involves negotiating, persuading, and influencing others—or being persuaded, influenced or negotiated with by others.

I didn’t create this knowledge, or write the books. I learned from the knowledge of others. I hope that you and a large number of your friends, family and colleagues can benefit from these valuable  lessons—and the work done by others to validate what they say as true and useful. 

As you can tell by the copyright dates, I first found these ideas decades ago. As I used them and passed them on, I  rewrote them into what I could share in this form. (Remember, during those years, I was writing magazine and web columns that had to fit on a single page or two.)

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Understanding Influence and Persuasion 
©John L. Mariotti 1990, 2000
Life as a manager is all about who can influence—or persuade—whom.  Convince someone to buy what you sell, or to change to the direction you want to go, and your likelihood of success improves measurably. Millions are spent on training people in persuasive negotiation skills. With all of this attention to persuasion and influence, by now we should understand the underlying forces in influencing others--and how we are influenced.

Quite by accident a couple of years ago, I found a remarkable book:
Influence--The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini (Quill, 1984 & 1993). Cialdini is an experimental social psychologist who decided to study compliance and why people respond the way they do. His book is based on both experiments and extensive observation, and the findings are very revealing.

Only one major influence--that of "material self-interest," the good deal of getting the most and paying the least—is not included in Cialdini's list of influences, because while it is powerful and effective, it is also a more legitimate influence than the others.
The influences Cialdini describes create a powerful urge to respond, which the author refers to as a "click whirr" response that is automatic and almost irresistible--even when we know what is happening. For example:

--Reciprocation--the old give and take and take and take. This is the principle behind the Hare Krishna practice of handing out free flowers or books in airports, and the basis for the entire ad specialty business (free pens, coffee mugs, etc.). I give you something and you feel obliged to reciprocate. Nothing says the exchange must be fair or equitable; and the intent of someone using this to his or her advantage is that it won't be.

--Commitment and consistency--false hobgoblins of the mind. We make a carefully considered decision or analysis, and then make a commitment, perhaps in writing. Afterward, we have a very strong tendency to defend and reinforce that position consistently--regardless of how right or wrong it was. Think of the last car or computer you bought, and how strongly you became a vocal supporter of that brand or model. 

--Social proof--truths are us. This is the basis for the use of laugh tracks on TV, the Jonestown mass suicide, and the influence of mass behavior that allows a person be mugged in full view of a crowd; no one helps the victim, because no one wants to break out of the crowd. Studies from 1972 to 1976 proved that after every widely reported suicide, the U.S. suicide rate increased the following week. The publicized suicide had legitimized that suicide was O.K. by the doctrine of social proof.

--Likeability--the friendly thief. Physical attractiveness and likeability increase a person's influence. Thus the use of attractive models in ads and the friendly salutation of telephone solicitors. We also like people who are similar to us in interest, lifestyle, and culture—and they can have an even greater influence on us if they compliment us and are nice to us. This is the basis for the "good cop/bad cop" style of negotiation.

--Authority--directed deference. Uniforms are not a coincidence. They impart an unspoken message of influence based on authority, as do titles, offices, and other trappings. In an actual situation described in Cialdini's book, a total stranger dressed in a doctor's coat was allowed to change the medication of many hospital patients with no questions asked.

--Scarcity--the rule of the few. When things like stamps are misprinted or Beanie Babies are produced in limited quantity, their value goes up. Even the illusion of scarcity is very powerful. Realtors who have other (often imaginary) prospective buyers use this leverage regularly.
Learning to be honestly persuasive is a valuable management skill. Using all the tools at your disposal is often necessary. Defending yourself from wrongful influence is one of those critical skills. Even when you know about these six powerful influence principles, they are difficult to resist. When you're unaware of them, you are easy prey for the unscrupulous.
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A SUCCESSOR BOOK, 30 YEARS LATER, IS WORTH CHECKING OUT
Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade by Robert B. Cialdini  | Sep 6, 2016
The acclaimed New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller from Robert Cialdini—“the foremost expert on effective persuasion” (Harvard Business Review)—explains how it’s not necessarily the message itself that changes minds, but the key moment before you deliver that message. 
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You don’t get what you deserve!  (You get what you negotiate!) 
©John Mariotti 1998, 2014

You often hear the complaint is “that isn’t fair!” Who said life had to be fair? It isn’t--at least a large part of the time. Anyone who expects everything to be nicey-nicey... and still hopes to win in today’s brutally competitive world is living in a dream.

All of life is a negotiation. Any one who is married knows that negotiation goes on in the best of marriages. Teenagers negotiate for the family car or extra spending money, or permission to go to that rock concert or party. Why would the world of business be any different?

In corporate life, the annual budgeting, getting business plans, goals and objectives approved, against which your success or failure—or even a career—depends are based on the outcomes of a series of negotiations. Perhaps the relevant negotiation went on far beyond your station in life, in some remote board meeting or corporate headquarters—but be assured—it went on somewhere.
The smart thing to do is to become an effective negotiator. Negotiation is a learned skill. Some people are naturally better at it than others, but everyone benefits from learning the principles of good negotiation. Reading one of many good books on negotiation is one of the ways to start learning.

A far better way to learn is to attend a negotiation-training workshop where role-playing is used. Decades ago, Dr. Chester Karrass started such seminars decades ago, and his firm has continued doing them. They were great back then, and I bet they are still valuable. (http://www.karrass.com)

Until you find time for this important personal and professional education, here are a few tips you will learn more about later.

• Aim high!: The more you ask for, the more you get, unless your demands are totally unreasonable. This has been confirmed by extensive research. Make a list of your goals and aspirations and set them high. (Just leave some room for concessions.)
• Do your homework: Whoever is best prepared has a big advantage. Study your negotiating “opponent,” background material, and evaluate the possible options--yours and his/hers both. What are the opponents’ aspirations, fears, desires? What are yours? Consider several possible outcomes, and evaluate them so there is no guessing under pressure.
• Know & control deadlines: Deadlines can work for you—or against you. Know yours, and estimate your opponent’s, and then manage them as best you can. Make yours as flexible as possible. Avoid hasty conclusion of negotiations to catch a flight—you’ll lose—and may miss the flight anyway.
• Try not to make the first concession: Whoever makes the first one usually gives away more than the other party. Make concessions small and slowly and make the opponent really earn them with lots of persuasion. Never make a concession without getting one back in return.
• Be prepared to walk away: Sometimes the desired outcome is just not achievable, so unless you must make a deal, you can walk away to try again another day. Try for a win-win vs. a win-lose outcome. Then both parties are likely to stick to the negotiated deal with fewer lawyers to assure it.
• Document what you agree on: Document what you agree on, but go over the key points one last time to avoid “informed misunderstandings”—that’s where you both know you really have not agreed, but neither wants to admit it! Offer to write the agreement—it gives you more control of how agreements are stated. 

There are lots more where these came from, but these are a good start. Two final warnings are very important.

1. Make sure the person you are negotiating with has the authority to commit to what you want--if they don’t, don’t negotiate. Otherwise, you can only give but they will take whatever you give, and cannot commit to give what you want. Discuss as little as possible—until the person who has authority to make commitments is present.
   
   
2. When in doubt--shut up! No one ever made a concession or gave away valuable information when they weren’t talking. The Russians were legendary negotiators because they simply wouldn’t say much. While the American negotiators kept filling the silence, they were giving away small (and sometimes large) concessions and valuable information too.
   
   

Also, in today’s global economy never assume the other side doesn’t (or does) understand your language and terminology—Americans are one of few global powers who are not multi-lingual. English is taught in most other countries as a required language, so your international negotiating opponents likely understand it, even if they do not speak it well, or choose to use interpreters.

There is a lot more to becoming a skilled negotiator than these few meager tips. Take the time to learn how to negotiate—remember you don’t always get what you deserve--you get what you negotiate!

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I hope you find these as useful as I did.
Best, JOHN
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Please email: [email protected] with your feedback. 

Interesting   3=Good, 2=OK, 1=Not So Good
Useful          3=Good, 2=OK, 1=Not So Good
Worth Forwarding  3=Good, 2=OK, 1=Not So Good

Best, JOHN

 

THE ENTERPRISE--THREE STORIES, THREE LESSONS, ALL ABOUT FROGS

 

I NEVER WROTE THESE IN THE ENTERPRISE—BUT I TOLD THEM MANY TIMES IN SPEAKING SPOTS.

The lessons are simple, but unforgettable. You may have heard one or all of them. They are relevant because the government is handing out more and more “created money to ease pandemic created hardships.” But a lot of the handouts aren’t aimed at the hardships. They are just handouts. Like dropping money randomly from a plane.

 

“Created money” is money that has not come in from normal tax or other revenues, but is printed (created) by the Federal Reserve with nothing at all backing it. Sooner or later it will create both massive debts someone will need to address—and inflation, where everyone’s money is worth less. (That’s how the "banana republics" in Latin America end up with useless currency, massive inflation and abject poverty.)

 

The other problem with handing out "newly created money" is that it totally destroys the will and willingness to work. If you get $300-$600/week ($7.50-$15,00/hour) plus your regular unemployment and welfare of several hundred dollars per week, why work? Good jobs for low-skilled workers don’t pay that much. You might as well stay home, eat, drink and watch TV or play video games.   Thus the labor shortage, amidst high unemployment.

 

Story No. 1: The Scorpion & the Frog

A Scorpion wanted to get across the pond but can’t swim. He asks the Frog to give him a ride across. The Frog says, “Why should I?” You’ll just sting me and we’ll both die!”  The Scorpion answers, “No, I won’t do that. I’d die too. Trust me.” So the Frog relents and lets the Scorpion climb aboard. Half way across, he stings the Frog and as both are going under, dying, the Frog asks the Scorpion, “Why would you do something so dumb as to sting me. We are both dying now.”  The Scorpion’s answer as he goes under is: “It’s in my nature; that’s what Scorpions do; they sting others.

 

NOTE: These aren't political lessons, but if you take them that way, you are forgiven.

 

Moral: When behavior is ingrained in a creature, it’s virtually impossible to change, even if not changing is fatal.

 

Story No. 2: The Fisherman and the Snake

A Fisherman was fishing in a boat, and felt a tug on his line. He reeled in his catch and found a snake on his hook. In the Snake’s mouth was a small frog—its lunch. Feeling bad for denying the Snake its lunch, the Fisherman removed the hook and threw both the Snake and the frog back into the pond. Soon he felt a couple of stronger tugs on his line. He reeled in his catch and found the Snake again. This time the Snake had two frogs in his mouth.

 

Moral: The behavior rewarded is the behavior repeated.

 

Story No. 3: A riddle:

Q: Three frogs are sitting on a log. One decides to jump off the log. Now how many frogs are sitting on the log?

A: If you said two, that’s wrong. The correct answer is still three. The fact that one frog decided to jump off, doesn’t mean it actually did jump off. 

 

Moral: There is a difference between decision and action. If a decision is made and no action is taken, nothing changes. Change requires action after the decision.

 

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SIMPLE LESSONS BUT DEEP MEANINGS.

Only if you learn from these lessons, will you actually take action and make changes.  People who have reached adulthood, seldom change very much. Some believe that after their teen years they don’t change, but I think it’s somewhere after they’ve entered the world of work as an adult. Like the Scorpion, their behavior becomes ingrained in their nature. Then denial sets in and every bad incident becomes "someone else’s fault" (like the frog for being trusting). The bonus column, while decades old, identifies a few types of  “problem people” discovered over years of experience. 

 

Most people are basically good. Few of them purposely do the wrong things, and then, it’s usually driven by insecurity or past painful outcomes. A small percentage (1-5%?) aren’t “good,” with deeply ingrained negative motives and behaviors, and those people hurt everyone else. I call it “poisoning the well” —from which everyone drinks. (The “problem people" identified in the Bonus Column, may—or may not—be fixable, depending on what their underlying motivations are.)

 

Consider your decisions carefully. Once you have decided, take action. Don’t hesitate. Get rid of them. Waiting makes the problem worse, not better. It’s not mean-spirited to fire them. By removing one “bad actor” you do a big favor the the 20, 50, or more, good people. Maybe the ‘bad actor" will find somewhere else where they fit better. Or worse, maybe they’ll find more “wells to poison.” (In today’s conflicted world, this message applies to “bad cops,” "bad clergy,” and anyone else who "poisons the well' over and over.)

 

Now you know what to do. What are you waiting for?

 

Best, JOHN

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BONUS COLUMN

Four kinds of problem people  ©John Mariotti 2004

In the age of the Internet, the computer, and the most exciting advances in information and telecommunications technology in history, there seem to be few limits to what networked microprocessors can do to help humans and businesses. Yet, despite all this technology, things still go wrong. Why? Because people get in the way. Either consciously or unconsciously, people sabotage systems and thwart progress. Here are four kinds of problem people to watch out for:

1. The over-promise and under-deliver type--This person wants to please you, knowing that what you are asking for is important and needs to be done. So he or she says, "Yes" to every request, agreeing to do more than is possible. These people may not realize that they lack the time, energy, resources, or knowhow to make it all happen. So what gets done is late, and a lot of things never get done. Their credibility suffers, along with their relationships with all of the recipients of their broken promises. Apologies are followed by new promises that also end up broken, despite the best of intentions.

Favorite line: "I'm sorry. I sure intended to get that done for you" and "I'll do better next time."

2. The not-invented-here (NIH) type--This individual understands that there are many different ways to accomplish things. But he or she often refuses to accept proposed solutions that were not created in his or her mind, group, department, etc. This is frequently an experienced person who has seen and done a lot of things--including some that did not turn out well because "someone else" created problems. As NIH types see it, there is a right way (theirs) to do things and all the other (wrong) ways. Active NIH people openly tell others why alternative approaches won't work, while passive ones work "underground," quietly resisting, ignoring, or sabotaging others' ideas. Operating mysteriously in the background, the passives are the worst of the lot.

Favorite line: "We tried that before and it didn't work" and "I know, I told 'them' about that months ago!"

3. The information hoarder--This person is a human "black hole, "sucking in information from various systems, subordinates, and peers—but sharing it only when it is to his or her advantage. Never caught without an answer, but always protective of their sources, these people regard their hoarded information as a source of power. Even their bosses have to dig hard to uncover important information that they've squirreled away. Peers get information only when they have something to give in return, or when it boosts the hoarder's reputation as a fountain of knowledge. Indispensable in a micro sense and disruptive in the larger scheme, the Internet and e-mail are slowly wiping out this species. But many of them still exist.

Favorite line: "Didn't you get that? I was sure I sent that information to you!"

4. The "no bad news" carrier--This type can put a favorable spin on any impending disaster. They just hate to give the boss bad news. They even hate to give peers or subordinates bad news. Fearful that delivering distressing reports somehow will reflect badly on them, they bury the worst of situations under a veil of minor good news. Or they just clam up, letting the bad news seep out elsewhere like an insidious oil slick. Even with strong encouragement to "tell it like it is," they will dress things up, making the situation seem better than it really is. The result is that remedial action is delayed, safety nets and alternative plans are not prepared, and others are blithely led down the road to failure—smiling to the bitter end.

Favorite lines: "I've got some good news and some bad news. Let me tell you the good news first" or "Gee, I thought I told you about that."

Certainly, in the world of business and management, you'll find many other types of saboteurs as well. Some mean well. Others are malicious. But all can cause untold damage. Beware!

 

 

THE ENTERPRISE—IS BACK FOR A NEW YEAR AS THE (NEW) ENTERPRISE—HAPPY HOLIDAYS

 

INTRODUCTION:

PLEASE RESPOND (VIA EMAIL) WHEN YOU SEE THE (NEW) ENTERPRISE
I’ll send the first edition to you (twice), so you don’t miss it, and have a chance to respond.

I appreciate any feedback, especially if you find THE (NEW) ENTERPRISE interesting, informative and useful.

AFTER THE POLITICAL TURMOIL HAS SETTLED, I’M BACKING OFF POLITICAL ISSUES.
In fact, I intend to avoid the "political turmoil" as much as possible and take THE ENTERPRISE in a whole new direction..

WHAT IS THE NEW DIRECTION? I’M CALLING IT “THE LIFE OF BUSINESS AND THE BUSINESS OF LIFE."

Many people don’t know I did a one-hour radio show on the North American Broadcasting Network, (Two powerful stations Phoenix AZ and Providence RI). My show was titled The Life of Business and the Business of Life. Before that I had been writing bi-weekly columns for IndustryWeek, Forbes.com, FortuneSmallBusiness.com, the American Management Association, Management Centre Europe, Executive Excellence and more…  In fact, when I went back to find all of the ones I wrote, between 1995 and 2015, I found over 300 columns, articles, blog posts, and several (as yet unpublished) books and mini-books.

 

In 1995, John Brandt, the Editor in Chief of IndustryWeek gave me the first break, when he invited me to submit a few “ Management” Columns for IndustryWeek. I did and he decided to use them.  I’m going to share several of those—and many others—with you over the next few weeks/months, here in THE (NEW) ENTERPRISE. 

 

PS: FEEDBACK IS IMPORTANT

Please tell me if you like them, find them useful, entertaining or informative—OR NOT!  YES (LIKE THEM) or NO (DON’T)?

Also please tell me if I should continue sending them to you.—YES or NO?

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It’s Christmas Day 2020, following a year of unprecedented turmoil, suffering and death, and yet, humanity continues on living, struggling, succeeding (sometimes) and failing (sometimes) only to try again and again. 

 

 I hope these two columns will be a Christmas Gift to all of you.

 

The pandemic simply emphasized how much life and work might be different.  This 20 year old Column speaks to the “ burning” question we all have: What do I want to do, now that I’m grown up—and will I be able to do that?

Have you seen your “burning bush?”

©2001 John Mariotti

It seems a lot of people are searching for “what they want to do when they grow up”.  This is especially true when the aging baby boomers reach that age where retirement is premature, but the life of “corporate slavery” is no longer an attractive one.

 What are they to do?  What should they do?  Where, how, why?  These questions, which once plagued only the youth who were embarking on a career are being posed by 50 and 60-year olds.  The 50-60 year old people have already worked 30 years or more, and may have amassed enough wealth to retire—at least until the stock market plummeted.

But, many people who are 50-60 are still too vital, too healthy and too mentally active to “retire” in the old-fashioned sense.  Retirement (with a pension) is a product of the industrial age, when people were used hard and tired out.  After 30+ years of old-style factory work, the human body (and maybe spirit, too) is tired, and more years of physically demanding work is not attractive.

The new baby boomer group is not so worn out.  They may be turned off, as a result of repeated re-engineering, downsizing, transfers, layoffs, and corporate mistreatment.  They are neither ready nor able to retire comfortably.  Even if they have the money, so much of their self-worth and identity is tied to what they were in their careers, that leaving it is traumatic.

These people, and an increasing number in their 30’s and 40’s need to find their “burning bush”.  The burning bush metaphor is a biblical one, in which God conveyed His mission intended for Moses—to lead his people to the Promised Land.  When people in all walks off life consider what they really want to do, they are figuratively hoping to see their burning bush.

Try this.  Sit down in a quiet place with no interruptions and think about what you are (or were) really good at—and what you really enjoyed doing most in your entire work life.  Write down a few things and then reflect on them—asking why you were so good at those things.  What talent did you have?  What passion did you have?  What made you so successful at the things you were good at?

How did I jump to the conclusion that you were successful at these things?  Because it is almost always true.  Nearly everyone is best at doing the things they love most.  Now think about how and where you start doing that again, preferably for pay—but even if not for pay, just for the fulfillment. 

Retirement is supposed to be about recreation and happiness.  What makes a person happier than doing something they love?  The word recreation is really two words: re—creation.  Being created all over again. 

The only way you will find your burning bush is to think about it and look for it.  When you have, work will be fun, and fun will be what you do for both money and happiness—not either-or. Find your burning bush and learn what God’s path, and your own is intended to be.

Start today and don’t quit until you find it.  Just like in the bible—it will keep burning until you do. 

Once you’ve considered what you want to be and do, it’s incredibly important to make sure it’s something you will find meaningful and rewarding—both financially and psychologically. Life is too short for work to NOT be enjoyable and satisfying. Find the answer to the question: do you work to live or live to work. (Clue: Both!)

Management's Search for Meaning

©John Mariotti 2000.

In 1946, Victor Frankl wrote his moving book, Man's Search for Meaning, in which he reflected on life in a concentration camp. The most memorable part of the book is his commentary on what "kept people going." Each torturous day--in unbearable conditions, facing unspeakable cruelty and the specter of death as a near certainty--these people clung to life, sanity, and hope.

This may seem a strange beginning to a column on management; but it suggests a parallel in the daily struggle for meaning that afflicts many middle managers, more than a few executives, and their families. Each morning they rise and go through the ritual of getting ready for work, then juggle the pressures of family, household duties, and their jobs.

Electronic communications has now made it possible for our workdays to extend--or perhaps I should say, “intrude”--into our home lives. Pagers, cell phones, email, the internet, voice mail, and even answering machines--which keep us more in touch and more productive than ever--also form a cruel coalition to steal precious moments from the time in which we struggle to be husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, sons and daughters, neighbors, part of the community or church, and last, but certainly not least, individuals.

We can hardly ignore or block out their insistent chirp, vibration, and simple omnipresence. What if the next message is an important one? How can you know unless you check? “It'll only take a minute,” you tell yourself. But that minute becomes five or ten; and after taking time to send answers, suddenly an hour has slipped away.

The children are ready for bed, the trash needs to be taken out, the laundry hamper is overflowing, and dirty dishes adorn the kitchen counter in testimony to a hastily eaten and thrice-interrupted dinner. Today’s pile of reading material lies untouched and spilling over those from yesterday and the day before. Each day it grows like a relentless organism, casting a pall of guilt if not dutifully shuffled through. Throwing some out is the only sensible thing to do--but which ones? The material you discard unread will certainly contain the information the boss refers to at the next staff meeting, where peers will nod knowingly and comment while you struggle mutely to look knowledgeable.

Is this what life in management has become? Somehow the parties at the country club, golf on Saturdays, the camaraderie of the occasional fishing trip, and family picnics on sunny Sundays after church never seem to happen. All of our energy is consumed by things that "have to be done,” from the 7 a.m. commute to the 7 p.m. return (on the good days) to the six hours spent at the office on what used to be short Saturday morning drop-ins. In addition, there is the email check each evening for messages from the West Coast or Asian offices, and an occasional pager call in an emergency. Work alone now occupies over 80 hours a week for most managers. Fatigue is a near-chronic condition. Laughter around the house is rare.

Life has to have meaning, but it is hard to discern when things are like this. At work, we talk about priorities, but what about at home? What about family? What about you? When do you get a little time of your own? What keeps you going? For Victor Frankl and his fellow concentration camp inmates, it was the hope of survival and life after the suffering. What sustains you?

Work is meant to be the means to earn sustenance, so life can be more pleasant. Work is meant to be a rewarding experience in which we gain fulfillment, a sense of achievement, and some recognition. But children grow up only once. Miss it and there is no recovery--no "undo" button.

Finding the meaning in life requires balancing the conflicting demands on our time, attention, and the emotional energy that makes us each special. I have struggled with this balance in my own life for over half a century--and I still do each day.

If this column does no more than cause you to interrupt the mindless drill momentarily to reflect and rebalance your life for a short while, to search for and find meaning again, it will have served its purpose.

 

Please email: [email protected] with your feedback. 3=Good, 2=OK, 1=Not So Good

Interesting                    3=Good, 2=OK, 1=Not So Good

Useful                          3=Good, 2=OK, 1=Not So Good

Worth Forwarding       YES           NO

I hope you enjoyed these first two messages of “timeless truths” from the past.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year—Stay well, and God bless you and yours.

 John